


All For Nothing

by Oleander_Lights



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Cigarettes, Crying, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Late Night Conversations, Past Child Abuse, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28485690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oleander_Lights/pseuds/Oleander_Lights
Summary: Tonight was just one of those nights for Peony. One of those nights were he had a million thoughts racing through his head.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	All For Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by a scene between Diane and Princess Carolyn in Bojack Horseman, from the season 6 episode Good Damage. Much like the episode this oneshot is partially based on it deals with many heavy topics. So please read with caution.
> 
> This oneshot also draws inspiration from Achilles Come Down by Gangs of Youth

Peony sat out on the back porch of his house. He twirled a cigarette between his fingers as he stared out into the night. He hadn’t smoked in ages but tonight, it was just one of  _ those  _ types of nights.

One of those nights where he had a lot on his mind. Peony just needed to get out of the house, Camellia was still inside as were Nia and Tansy. He just needed a moment alone with every thought that raced through his brain.

He heard someone sit down next to him. He turned to look at who had joined him, secretly hoping it wouldn't be Nia, but instead it was his wife Camellia. Her blonde curls pulled back into a ponytail.

“Nia’s going to put Tansy to bed tonight. I wanted to come out and check on you,” Camellia said, her Krasotan accent laced her voice. She looked tired like she always did after she had worked a long day at the law office, but there was a hint of worry in her violet eyes as she looked at him.

“I’ll be fine Cam,” Peony let out a pained chuckle, even though he couldn’t manage a half convincing non-pained sounding one tonight to comfort Camellia, “I always am,”.

“I know,” Camellia said as she placed a comforting hand on her husband’s shoulder, “It’s just, you know I worry about you sometimes P. And I wanted to make sure you were going to be okay,”.

Peony paused for a moment, maybe he  _ shouldn’t  _ just let these thoughts race through his mind, maybe it  _ could  _ be beneficial to talk about them. He didn’t want to be alone during times like this, and his therapist told him he should be more open to others.

“I...need….just….can I talk to you about everything that’s on my mind?” Peony asked as he reached for the lighter in his pocket and lit up the cigarette.

Peony inhaled then exhaled the light blue smoke into the night. Arceus, he hadn’t since Nia was seven after she’d begged him to stop (Peony still thought that it had been Camellia who told Nia to tell him all that stuff, but either way it had made him quit, until now that is).

Camellia nodded as she lightly rubbed his shoulder, “Sure,” she murmured.

“Today has been a complete shit day for me if I’m going, to be honest,” Peony blew out more of the light blue smoke as he nursed the cigarette, “All I can think about is him and how much farther everyone else around me in life has gotten,”.

Peony stood up and walked into the grass before he turned on heel to look at Camellia who still held her hand in the exact motion she had been rubbing Peony’s shoulder in, “Edgar, Kabu, Melony, Opal,.....Rose,” Peony blew more smoke out into the night, “No matter what I do or how far  _ I  _ make it I’m always second best to someone! First, it was when I was a kid and it was always “Rose is oh so perfect!”, “Look at what good grades Rose got!”, “Peony why can’t you be more like your brother!”, “Peony you’re a disgrace to our family!”. I heard those phrases multiple times a day when  _ I was a kid _ ! And they say time heals all wounds? It’s a fucking  _ lie _ ! That  _ shit _ still stings as much as the days they told that stuff to me!”.

  
  


Peony’s heart thumped loudly in his chest. This had been building up ever slowly all day and all night, now finally spilling over as he could feel the tears forming in his eyes. And how they  _ burned _ .

“It’s just. Rose….no matter what I do he’s better than me! He got straight As all throughout school while I was lucky if I got a B, He completed the league quicker than I did, he got a master's degree in college while I only got an associate’s,” Peony stopped to breathe for a moment. It was getting more difficult to hold back his tears now, “He has a fucking business empire and is loved by the whole region, not to mention when  _ I  _ had  _ finally done something to outdo him and became champion of Galar what did he go and do? Become the chairman of the motherfucking Pokémon league!  _ I’d love for once in my life. Just  _ once  _ to be as good as he is and have him not snatch it away or have him outdo me!”.

Tears now fell down his face and the cigarette had gone out. His heart felt heavy in his chest, he wondered if he’d said too much or scared Camellia. Whatever, he’d said what he’d said and there was no taking it back.

Camellia stood and went over to her husband and began to rub his back in soothing circles, yet said nothing.

  
  


“It’s just, I’ve spent my whole life never feeling good enough and wondering why all the abuse happened to me when I was a kid and I can’t figure out why!” Peony cried as tears fell down his cheeks, “I didn’t get anything out of it, I’ve always been told all suffering happens for a reason and I’ve been trying to figure out why all this happened to me!”.

“Well,” Camellia said softly, “Maybe it means nothing Peony. I know this might not be the greatest thing to say right now but, not all suffering means something Peony. Sometimes suffering doesn’t mean anything, and sometimes needing it to mean something keeps you from moving on,”. 

Peony paused for a moment, tears didn’t fault and he did move, he thought he may have even stopped  _ breathing  _ for a moment.

“It’s just……,” Peony paused again and for a little longer this time too, “I think I just need some sleep. I just want this day to be over and for tomorrow to come,”.

Camellia nodded and took her husband’s hand, “Then let’s head back inside and we can both get some shut-eye okay?”.

Peony nodded and both husband and wife went back into the house.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Krasota is the Pokémon world equivalent to Russia. the word Krasota means beauty in Russian. And the character Camellia is from Krasota.
> 
> Also Tansy is Camellia and Peony’s younger daughter. They have three older children who are unmentioned in the oneshot. And for reference Tansy is 2 years old while Nia is 15


End file.
